hello again i landed halfway across the world and it took you two days to ask me if i’d gotten home. but now you’re back to texting me random thoughts, verging on emotions. as though the distance makes it safer for you. as though i’m safer the farther away i am from you. it isn’t the same kind of conversation as before. i don’t think it will be, either. but hearing someone else’s random thoughts is a comfort to me. — i still use your image as a placeholder. i think of a future lover, of reading aloud to someone, their head on my chest, my hand in their hair, and i allow my brain to conjure the image of you in the place. not because i think it will happen. rather out of convenience. — today is the first day in a long time that i was itching to date again, to download a dating app, to make a new connection. but in my position... it’s useless. so i won’t.
06.05.20