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weird what sticks with you

i am still unpacking why my heart hurts a little to think of you, someone who, actually, did not heed my explanation and pushed further; someone who, actually, did not hold my own pleasure as something necessary; someone who, actually, was rather cold to me (the way i tend to be cold to other people).

part of it, i believe, is that i think we are very much alike. the way you behaved towards me is the way i see myself behaving towards others -- in a way that i do not like.

and it reminds me of the two people who made me think -- no, believe -- that i am amazing, something to be lauded and celebrated, to be looked upon with admiration.

in the right context, i really do thrive while being absolutely adored.

(as much as i hate to admit it)