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i still have such a vivid memory of this:

sitting in the theater, my then-boyfriend next to me, and watching baby groot dance on screen at the literal very beginning of the movie -- and silently crying, tears just rolling down my face, without him noticing.

i remember feeling so strange, so different, like something was definitely going to change, like something was definitely wrong.

and, of course, he didn't notice.

i still think about how different my body felt -- how i had, a few days before, puked everything out of my system, and how, after that, my body felt more mine than it had in years. i felt at home there, in myself.

i'm not sure where i'm going with this. just remembering, is all.