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the only thing thats real...

every time i feel like this, i feel this need to talk to him. & every fucking time i feel like this, he's away. not there. & i'm scared to call him to find out that he doesn't care, because the words won't flow, they won't come easily, they'll be jumbled & not in the least bit understandable. would he listen?

i tried writing him an email, it was going to be about us & all the thoughts going through my mind over & over & never leaving never letting up just coming & coming & coming. but then they just halted. when i tried to talk i couldn't do it; I'M ALWAYS TOO FUCKING AFRAID.