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its 3 am i must be lonely

blake is at murray now.

it depresses me.

saturday we went to his house (me alex milby) the first time i'd ever actually been in there. but i didn't know what to say so i shuffled the deck of cards over & over til there were raw spots on my fingers.

alex& milby had to go move their cars & we talked for a few minutes about how he says i'll be okay and stuff but i dunno i'm too dependent i realize...

i talked to him saturday night on the phone - he's right, we're the ones taking this the hardest.

today i'm just sad. i'm gonna call him around ten. & i'll feel better. i hope when i talk to him tonight that he's happier because i really want him to be happy.

sent him a text message this morning: be happy! cause i said & i have authortiy. i love you blake! & i hope it made him smile at least.

reminds me of hey tia, u know what u should do? SMILE! have a good day!

mom keeps telling me not to be sad, would i rather him stay here when he's gone off to better himself? yeah i just want him here... gooollll.

i'm sitting here at 4:30 with pajamas on just feeling miserable.