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still think about you

i still think about you. not often, really. and not in an all-consuming way anymore. we're way past that.

but i still think about you. i wonder how you're doing.

i think you're probably back together with your girlfriend. but mostly i hope that your dad is doing okay, that your mental health is doing okay.

and i wonder what i actually meant to you.

it was most likely this: an escape. something to grasp onto while you were desperately unraveling.

it was that way for me, i think.

but i can't get the high of that connection out of my head.

i still can't fully erase the what if of it all.

i just wish there were more clarity.

but that's not how this works. so i will keep moving.