stress, bojack, jake i can feel the excess, anxious energy coursing through my body. that's something i've said, written, several times before, but now it takes on a new meaning: the fear that my body will freak out, make me think i'm dying, and leave me rattled and with my chest tight for many days afterward. but i am fine. i am okay now. the more i think about it, the more it does seem like this was a long time coming. -- it took you exactly one month to message me again, to tell me you'd just then started a show i'd recommended you several times. -- i'm going to simulwatch home alone tonight with a boy i haven't met but with whom i've been talking for over a month. i can't even decide if i think he's attractive. but he seems nice. it just feels like i don't need any of this. i have been doing without for nearly a year. i could keep going. but we are bored, aren't we?
12.20.20