it was a stupid letterkenny video i spent a stupid amount of time looking for the perfect clip to send to you, only to receive (eight hours later) an "i'll try it tomorrow." listen, after all of this? my feelings are just hurt. i never transition well. and looking back? i feel so stupid. like i gave too much of myself away to you, too soon, before you even wanted it. (but you gave so much of yourself to me, too.) you haven't even asked me about when or how i'm getting home. so i'm giving up all the control. giving it over to you. or the universe. something that doesn't require me to make any more (silly) decisions. i knew from the beginning this wouldn't amount to anything. so why does it hurt so much now?
05.15.20