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in my mind, i see a small house with big windows in the kitchen, flooding the room in light. i see vines reaching from the plants in pots in the floor, on a stand, in the windowsill. i see a large, floor-length mirror, rimmed with gold, leaning against the wall in a bedroom. i see a bed with crumpled blankets piled on, with two pillows dented from use.

but in reality, i am so far from this. so far from being able to set down roots, to let myself relax and just grow.

when will i get there?

will i ever get there?