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baby steps

i would happily sit with nicolas, my beautiful friend nicolas with his dark eyes and dark hair and clear glasses and bulging arms, at the bar, while you come up the stairs and say hi to me, while we do the french bisou, while you shake nicolas' hand and he says, "i'm nicolas" and you don't respond with your own name, and i think, please think i'm actually here with him because i want you to know i'm desirable.

.......... baby steps, i guess, to get away from this.