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something here will eventually have to explode

i am tired of the blatant disregard for the things i say.

i am tired of myself wanting so, so much so, so desperately.

i am tired of feeling as though i'm at such a different life point from all of my friends, in one way or another (or several).

i am tired of making decisions and feeling disgusted with myself after the fact.

i am tired of expecting an experience to be shared in the way i want it to be shared when, in reality, other people have their own perspectives of the experience (which is okay).

i am tired of this mouth pain, which came rearing its ugly head last night, waking me up from my cough syrup induced slumber not once, but twice, due to its intensity.

i am tired of being back in this state of hating myself and my body so profusely.

i am just... tired.