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i've been awake since 8 awaiting a phone call from the specialist dentist, hoping they can fit me in today... tomorrow... soon.

i feel really tired and really down. all i want right now is someone who just actually likes me to let me lay my head in their lap and rub my back and play with my hair. i want someone to watch some stupid tv with which would actually just be me incessantly talking throughout it instead of watching anything.

that still feels so far away for me.

there really is no shortage of people to make out with. someone was going to come over last night, but, alas, my "traumatic dental injury" happened. i was upset for a minute today thinking he didn't text me back after i told him what happened but actually it was me who never responded to him. go figure.

but he's not even what i wanted. i was just bored.

all this is just to say that this stupid circumstance has pushed me back into wanting someone who actually wants to talk to me and get to know me and then fuck me, god damn it. what kind of bullshit is that, anyway.

(my mind will certainly change in 24 hours. it's really just whatever.)

i'm going to just go cry until these people finally call me (like the adult i am).

i'm just really sad today.