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i was a stupid teenager fyi

i am tired and sleepy.

the other night i cried, drunk, to matt about how much i missed out on thanks to my first real boyfriend, how much i missed out on thinking so poorly about myself. i work with high schoolers now and i just want them to love themselves and feel good and be happy.

a couple of days before that, i was talking to him about a few of my students cutting themselves and offhandedly said, "i did that in high school too actually." and he didn't respond, and i guess thanks to his ADD or whatever he literally just changed the subject. and then i said, "i literally just told you a very intimate serious thing about myself that i've never told you before and you just ignored it." and then he sighed and tried to backtrack but instead i stonewalled him and just cried.

i don't know. there are always things that are wrong, always things people do that upset you. i am just so bad at handling them i guess.