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last night i had a terrible dream.

i watched matt jump into a body of water and die, saw his lifeless body floating in the sea until someone pulled it back.

i realized it was my responsibility to call people, to tell them what had happened, to hear their tears through my own.

and at the end, my parents were there with me. i said, "i can't stay here." and they said, "no, you're coming home."

when i woke up, i shook matt awake and told him what had happened. he held me closer and told me, "it's okay. i'm here, i'm here, i'm here."