oh look, tia is gushing about her boyfriend (again) because she's such a girl. i am waiting for taco bell to open so i can eat it for breakfast. last night i finally convinced my boyfriend to get snapchat and i am so, so excited because now i get the chance to see his big, dumb, beautiful face every day even though he's so far away. on the phone, each time he told me he would download it when he got home, i would just squeal, "REALLY?!" because that's how i am but i think he realized how ridiculously excited i was by the whole idea (who wouldn't?). it just amazes me now. he is so nice and so cute about things now. and there is always this tiny hint of protectiveness, of wanting to take care of me, and really it's on both sides... whether i'm trying to get him to actually sleep enough at night or if he's trying to pay for my checked bag at the airport. a part of me just screams, "i knew it i knew it i knew it, i knew a part of you loved me and now it's for real" like 90% of the time in my brain. it is amazing to have that confirmation, to feel it every time he talks to me, when he calls me three different times in one day and then laments, "oh my god it's three o'clock there! i'm so sorry, i just really wanted to talk to you," and all i say is, "no, no, i really wanted to talk to you, too." i am ridiculous and boring because this is all i want to talk about but after having feelings for someone for so long and finally, for real, having them reciprocated, i think i am allowed a little delirious happiness. he is just so nice to me. i can't even explain the difference, you know? this, compared to last time? it's such a world of difference. he never, ever makes me feel less than. the first thing he said to describe me to his coworkers was, "she's a lot smarter than me," you know, the one thing i am relatively confident about--he just adds on to it. he tells me i'm smart and funny but it's never this overload of compliments either because that would make me uncomfortable, it's just the right amount. it feels so good to have someone feel so good about me, for once. i think we are just a good fit for each other. i have always thought that. and i just want it to be january 2nd, i want to hold his hand and kiss his big, beautiful lips and just feel right.
12.23.13