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reaching out but never grasping

when i get overwhelmed, i do a whole lot of nothing.

it's sadness and it's stress and it's wanting to talk to you but knowing i shouldn't.


i don't know what i'm doing but i have a strong urge to get out of here. it's always been there but it's burning hotter than it has before.

but there's also this fear that's choking it.


i feel like a failure at most things.

i don't tell people when i need them. actually--i take that back. i try. but oftentimes, i fail at it. that plea falls short. my own fault.

(remember, i have said to you several times that you are one of my favorite people. i only ever want to be someone's favorite, as well.)


i say about a lot of people i know, "they're so perfect. their lives are perfect."

i know that's not true. please, don't think me that naive. but they're so much closer to being happy with what they've got than i am.

i used to find myself pretty optimistic. and in truth, i am, when it's for other people. when looking at myself and my own life though, it's a consistent stream of negativity and thinking that other people assume such negative things about me, as well. it's not a healthy thought process.


for some reason it seems like i have all of these outlets for my emotions but it's never enough. i am consisently feeling like a balloon about to burst.


it's like the words never come to me when i need them to.

it's like i never have anything worth writing about.

it's like this sting of failure in every facet of my life that i can never escape.


it's like i need to get over myself, jesus christ.