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tia is crazy

well, for some reason, today i am in the kind of mood where i am waiting for you to tell me, "oh well, you know, this is fun, but that's all." which would be okay. considering.

but i think that even after you've already told me you want to see me again. even after your drunken texts last night calling me beautiful or cute. even after the fact that i've talked to you on the phone every night for the past two and a half weeks.

i am waiting for something to go wrong.

because people who begin things like this by telling you they don't want a girlfriend are not going to end it by asking you to be their girlfriend.

so i've been trying to make myself see this as trivial. i like him, i know he likes me. we have fun together. and that's it, right? no one here wants a relationship. not one where we live two and a half hours apart. right?

i was asking my brothers yesterday whether what bryant and i are doing is "dating" or "talking" or "hanging out" or really nothing at all. we had 2 for dating and 1 for talking. and 1 who said, why don't you ask him? but the thought of bringing something up like that scares me. because what if i ask that and it implies that i want a relationship? that i want some kind of name for whatever we're doing? i don't know.

am i worrying over nothing? probably. when i go to visit bg again in a week or so for a few days, i'm supposed to spend one of those days with him. and i'm sure if there's a new year's eve party at the boy's house, that i'll end up sleeping in his comfy bed.

i feel like what he said (that i put in the last entry) freaked me out a bit. because i don't want him to think of me in certain ways. i don't like this dating thing!! i don't understand it!!

i'm a little lost because i have no idea what i'm supposed to feel! i don't know what's allowed! should i be talking to him so much? should i be seeing him? if he doesn't want a girlfriend then why is he paying me so much attention?!

all right, all right. i just needed to get all of that out.

i don't like feeling as though i like someone more than they like me.